Room Sharing

[collism]

To quote a female friend of mine from a general student forum - any advice appreciated on this - is this in any way normal practice?

 

Right ok so I saw a PR intern position at a record label advertised - so I sent my CV, had an interview 2 days later and got the job.

 

The job requires a bit of foreign travel and I'm going on an all expenses paid trip to Malta in july (for three days). The man and his wife who primarily run the office are married and seem nice.

 

BUT theyre saying I have to share a room with him (the bands are staying in our hotel too and apparently the budget is low)...So I said I don't feel comfortable with it and she basically said "other girls wouldn't have a problem with it, so you need to decide asap since it's part of the job"...

 

My mum said after a bit of deliberation- go for it, if you feel uncomfortable then come home - I don't want to lose the job altogether.

 

what do you think?

[Just Some Bloke]

In my experience it is not normal practice to share with someone of the opposite sex that you don't already know well. If you'd been part of a theatre company through rehearsals, including all the usual bonding games and so on, then sharing a dressing room in venues that don't have enough, isn't too unusual. But being asked to sleep in the same room as someone you don't really know is a different matter.

 

Frankly, even from his point of view it's not good either. If there were just the two of you in the room and you alleged sexual harrassment it would be just your word against his. If I were him I'd find someone female for you to share with.

 

P.S. I'm saying "you" as you write the original post as "I" but according to your profile you're a bloke called Colin. I take it you are writing on behalf of your friend, rather than having been through an expensive operation, in which case the answer might be slightly different.

[Ike]

I've got a friend who does this quite regularly and it doesn't seem to be all that unusual for short term low budget trips. If she didn't feel comfortable with it maybe she could offer to pay a small supplement towards the cost of two singles as a good will gesture?

 

That said there are lots of people who wouldn't do it so unless it was made clear at the interview I think it's a bit harsh that she's automatically expected to be OK with it.

[Sirch Sound]

I share a room with one of my collegues quite regulally, however I do know her very well so I guess it changes things a little.

 

Personally I would feel a little uncomfortable as a bloke having to share a room with someone of the opposite sex that I dont know, however its not underd of.

 

Rich

[tonym]

I don't share rooms on tour period. After upwards of maybe 12 hours work the last thing I want to do is go back to a hotel room and make allowances for a co-worker. Add to that the extra dimension of sexual harassment and misunderstandings and you enter a minefield that no decent management would want you to go down.

 

Any management who would ask you to do such a thing I would avoid like the plague, they leave themselves open to so many potential problems I wonder what they are like to work for.

 

Tony Miller.

[scjb]

I'd be upset enough at having to share with another bloke, let alone have to share with a member of the opposite. Three nights in a hotel at the rates they'll be paying is nothing. Personally, I think it's incredibly naive at best of the employer...

 

ps. A record company with no money? WTF?

[Tomo]

The specifics of this sound incredibly dodgy.

 

Am I correct in thinking the following:

1) Your friend replied to an advert for an intern position at a firm, and gained the position.

2) The office manager has now asked her to go to Malta for three days. (The stated reason is irrelevant)

3) The office manager wants her to share a hotel room with him while there.

 

Your friend must completely refuse.

This is a recipe for an utter disaster, harassment (either direction) and possibly even rape and/or murder.

 

I'm serious about this - the above situation rings incredibly loud alarm bells.

 

Depending on his response to her refusal, she should seriously consider reporting this office manager as far up the chain of command as possible.

- Even if he thinks the situation is entirely innocent, he's exposing himself and possibly the company to tremendous litigious risk.

 

- As another poster mentioned earlier:

-- If she later accused him of something, it would be a case of her word against his.

--- If something had happened - Would she be believed, and could she cope with the memory?

--- If nothing had happened - Would his reputation survive?

 

This is dangerous for her and for the manager, and I've never seen a legal dept that would accept the practice.

 

(I might point out that most serial killers 'seem nice'. It's hard to repeat that sort of thing if you seem evil and twisted.)

 

Just to put it into perspective:

Even in my student days and on minuscule budgets we didn't consider mixed-sex accommodation. (Shared houses, yes, shared rooms, no!)

The vast majority of professional productions (TV, film and stage) don't ask anybody to share a room at all. Those that are forced to by budget, never ask for mixed-sex*.

 

*Obviously husband/wife teams and long-term partners often share rooms, but that's their choice!

[Ike]

This is a recipe for an utter disaster, harassment (either direction) and possibly even rape and/or murder.

Are you a Sun reader by any chance? Assuming it's a genuine company with real bands on the books I can't see how this is anything more than scaremongering. The job would involve travelling and most record companies aren't that well off, the money they do have goes toward making the bands happy and promoting them so all in all the scenario sounds totally plausible.

 

The vast majority of professional productions (TV, film and stage) don't ask anybody to share a room at all. Those that are forced to by budget, never ask for mixed-sex*.

 

*Obviously husband/wife teams and long-term partners often share rooms, but that's their choice!

In my experience this is wrong. During my relatively short career I've shared a room with a female sound opp on a professional tour and I know a wardrobe mistress who regularly shares with male colleagues.

 

I'd also argue that the a large number of professional productions do at some point end up having to ask someone to share. Not necessarily down to budget but often due to cockups with bookings or simply a lack of suitable rooms available close to the venue.

 

I do accept that where either party has authority over the other it makes it more complicated and that the boss in this situation is possibly being a bit naive although he may just have decided he trusts her.

 

I don't share rooms on tour period. After upwards of maybe 12 hours work the last thing I want to do is go back to a hotel room and make allowances for a co-worker.

Sure it's nice to have your own space but I can't say it really bothers me that much. The only time I usually spend in the room when working is to shower, change and sleep and after a long days work I can sleep through anything.

[charlyfarly]

I was in a similar situation when I first turned freelance in the mid 80's. Similar thing, a low budget "cultural exchange". I had to share a room with another girl which was fine but on some parts of the tour we had to share a dormitory with the male band members, but they did provide a screen to spare some dignity!

On another tour in the very distant past, I was the only female and it was your typical B&B accommodation tour from hell and I had to share with the tour manager, it was a horrible experience as he would "pleasure himself" before going to sleep (I'm sorry for saying this and probably gives far too much information but it's true). I complained to the bands' management but I was told basically to put up or shut-up I then shelled out my own money to get my own room for the remainder of the tour.

 

Nowadays I never share rooms. I don't live with these people at home, why should I on tour? I am also married so why should I share a room with someone of the opposite sex? Block bookings usually get a discount anyway.

For this woman to say "you have to share a room with my husband" is very odd indeed. Are they swingers or something? Actually I have shared overnight ferry accommodation and on overnight couchette trains but that is with our drum tech, who is gay anyway!

 

Is it not possible for this girl, if she is short of money, to ask her parents if they can give her some money so she can have a room of her own? If the band shares they are probably used to it but this young lady should not be sharing with a stranger. End of story.

[morepowerigor]

I would never ask or even consider asking opposite sexes to share, it has the potential to be a legal nightmare. I rarely share myself, get a reputation for snoring like a train, and most people would not be keen

[Ynot]

During my relatively short career I've shared a room with a female sound opp on a professional tour and I know a wardrobe mistress who regularly shares with male colleagues.

Hmmm...

On how many occasions were you sharing with a complete stranger?

[Ike]

The sound opp and I didn't know each other before hand. The TM knew her but had only known me a day or two.

[ceecrb1]

To be honest I´d say there is no right or wrong answer that can be found on an internet forum.

 

Fact is the OP does not feel comfortable and I´d say that any employer worth working for should take this issue very strongly.

Ie. if they dont, get another employer.

 

The only time I have shared with opposite sex while working was here the other week, and that was with my workshop assistant, who is my best friend here, she is also one of my girlfriends best friends and we are all currently working hard to get the wee lassie a boyfriend... (shes too damn shy to make the move! anyone want a 28yr old sound tech here in valencia!? joke.....)

Fact is SHE voulanteered stating shed rather be sharing with me than lumped in with another tech/freelance.

 

I do know of other crews were its "normal" and never questioned or worried about where female crew just double up with whoever is there.

 

For me...

Fact is that If (I think I´m not <checks> nope I´m not) I were a female crew going on a touring job, I´d expect to have to from time to time.

In a job based at one main site with short term jobs from day to day, I WOULDNT expect it and therefore would question it and would expect that If the office staff expected me to go to (eg) malta for a few days, rooms should be organised as appropriate or a male tech would be looked for.

[Pete McCrea]

Sharing- Personally I have done, and will do where necessary, but will always make every effort to have separate accommodation. If we're booking the accommodation then I'll again do everything to make sure we give separate rooms. People need space for all sorts of reasons after a days work.

 

Mixed sex sharing- Never have done, and will probably never. I think there are too many potential pitfalls to make it worthwhile.

[GridGirl]

I had to share a room with another girl which was fine but on some parts of the tour we had to share a dormitory with the male band members, but they did provide a screen to spare some dignity!

 

I've done this as well and so long as I'm not the only female in the room, it's fine. However, the OP's situation is not one I'd be comfortable with at all; I won't share with a male unless he's either someone I know very well - ie a close friend - or is gay. In this situation alarm bells would be ringing for me.