Flightcases a brief history

[Thirdtap]

'Lo

Whilst unloading a truck I wondered about the armoured cases we love so much.

 

The oldest flightcases in Britain are at Stonehendge. The 'rocks' we know as stonehendge are in fact flightcases piled up. History tells of a popular folk beat combo touring the land around that time. During the summer break they got a druid mate to store the cases on a spare part of his land ready for the winter tour. But the group split up a few weeks later and the cases were forgotten about.

 

The warrior queen Bodeca actually fought the Romans in an open topped flight case. During battle the fearsome catches on the side would be lowered to catch advancing Roman soliders shins.

 

Roadies are known to have 99 different names for flightcases.

 

People have described the wonky wheel effect on cases as 'shopping trolley wheels'. I can enlighten you to the fact that the case is trying to search for an expensive piece of equipment to bond with. The attraction grows stronger the more expensive or important that is the area. Try pushing a case past an uncased new moving light / projector / plasma screen. You will notice that the case curves directly into the expensive item.

 

Cable trunks can never be overloaded with cable. This is called the Mary Poppins effect.

 

Any expensive items in a flightcase cannot be unloaded from a truck without bouncing the wheels of the ground at least twice.

 

Any other items to be included in my book?

:** laughs out loud **:

[smeggie]

What about the rule that the last case on the truck never seems to quite fit in, even though it was all fine on the way in? :** laughs out loud **:

 

how is it that all gender benders always end up in the hardest place to reach in the bottom of the case - even though you could swear blind that you put it in the 'pocket' earlier?

[Thirdtap]

'lo again

Yes I forgot that I have employ miners and pit ponys to collect lost grelcos and wing nuts from the bottom of the tallest cases. One time after giving me back the load of black gold the miner told me the myth that the entrance to middle earth was once found at the bottom of a flight case owned by the prog rockers YES.

 

Legend has it that Nelson's column is only a temporary display. But due the fact it was built in one piece it won't go into its flightcase for storage.

 

Maths for working out flight case handles

 

If the case is to be used for heavy loads then apply the following:

 

UGH / h = w

 

Where UGH is the total load of the case.

 

h is the height of the handles on the case.

 

w is the size of wheel to be used

 

Therefore if UGH divided by h seems to much hassle then leave the wheels off the case totally.

Then put the handles on the case at waist height to thwart easy lifting and movement.

 

:** laughs out loud **:

 

Dear Jim I belive that I am the first person in the Blue room to use the word 'thwart' is that a record?

yours etc

Tapmister III

[Ben...]

catches don't

[Thirdtap]

Ben are you alright? It sounds like you have come over all Ron Manager - Catches don't hum do they, roadies in the park cable for goal posts.

[ace]

Well this does bring to mind the happy days of extreme flightcasing..

 

Oh yes many unloads we spent seeing who could go the fastest, or pull the most spins while sat on top of a flightcase coming down the ramp off the back of the lorry.. I seem to remember bonus points for not breaking any of the expensive equipment! :-) :** laughs out loud **:

[themadhippy]

did you know the well knowen computer game Tetris is actually based on a the traditional roadie's game of "packing the truck" normally played just after or even during ceromemory of the de-rig.

[Ben...]

that's as in catches don't catch. I probably shouldn't assume that people think like me :** laughs out loud **:

 

And I have a theory that flightcases are actually a lifeform - living on a diet of wingbolts and grelcos, they manipulate us into taking them around the world (well, uk) so that they can breed. Not particularly intelligent, of course, but very bloody minded, and difficult to train to do what you want. It also explains why nothing ever seems to quite fit back in the truck at the loadout - the cases have been eating the occasional lost audience member, and have put on a little weight.

They reproduce asexually, with the parent flight case losing one of its buds (which we call 'wheels') which then dissappears off into the world, in search of flightcase fame and fortune (ie a custom paint job.)

Old flightcases are often grouchy, and will frequently attack people who try to move them, using razor sharp edges and irritating splinters. The final line of defense for the irritated flight case is to lunge at your shins, and try to take your fingers off.

 

:P

[Thirdtap]

Ben we seem to have exposed the truth about the true existance of the cases. I was going to mention that will all the wheelchair ramps the cases will be able to take over the world easily. But then I remembered that flightcases have a trait of rarely being deployed via ramps. The evil cases get people to do their bidding - how many times have you seen people carrying cases under the thrall of a manic cable trunk down stairs?

Hur ?

Have you noticed that the military also have flightcased equipment?

 

:** laughs out loud **:

[Rachel]

You people are scary... :** laughs out loud **:

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I grow up I wanna be crazy too! :P

[Ben...]

Hmmm...

http://sta.bris.ac.uk/~bm9536/flightcase.jpg vs http://sta.bris.ac.uk/~bm9536/dalek.jpg

[Thirdtap]

Re flightcases vs. dalek.

 

This is worrying I can't seem to tell the difference.

Which one is intent on domination of the solar system and which one goes stage left next to the dimmers?

 

Yours etc

Baron Von Tappen

 

What monster topic have I created here? Where's my Jim'll fix badge? Please?

[Ben]

Re flightcases vs. dalek.

 

I think I saw this one, doesnt the darlek go down in the third round???

 

if I remember correctly it catches itself on a catch and falls, and as we all know, just like a heavy flightcase, when one falls, it breaks the most improtant parts inside.

[Peter Russell]

Yeah but the Daleks can float up stairs, When will the flightcases learn this trick and save us all some time (Maybe they could teach your piano Bryson) Or do they already know and they don't want to show it!!! Instead laughing manically to themselves as we all strain our poor selves to do their bidding... :P :** laughs out loud **:

[Steve Macluskie]

If only you'd called the thread......

 

"Flightcases a brief case history"

 

 

sigh :** laughs out loud **:

 

back to work

 

Steve